As easily as I recall the day before, I remember the joyful faces of children at the Dayton convention center on Thanksgiving Day. Even through the sleepy haze of an insomniac I remember their widened eyes and toothless smiles as they reached towards the wrapped gifts in my hands. Now, you may be asking--its Thanksgiving not Christmas when this is taking place right? Yes, as a small portion of the Thankgiving festivities at the center that specializes in giving needy families the warm and wonderful meal that they deserve to have more frequently there is a small room off to the side that is stacked to the ceiling with wrapped gifts. Inside the festive wrapping paper there is a pair of gloves and a hat, divided into small piles by age and sex. My father had dragged me out the morning before our own family traditions in order to help him with this volunteer work and despite my own feelings of having to get up so early and placed in such a bright and nosey place--the children's glee was quick to awaken my senses. I remember the swell of joy that I felt from their infectious smiles and the quiet understanding that I was helping families that were within my community, even if they didn't know so much as my name. It is a feeling that fills up your entire person, makes you have a sense of connection that is beyond just that of your friends and family. You hope that the kindness that you were able to bestow upon others will come back to you in your time of need and even if it doesn't, the feeling of giving back to a community of people that you should be more interconnected with is beyond compare.
That kindness did in fact come back to my family on the days after my father's surgery. The house was oddly silent without the presence of my father's bartone voice ringing through the living room as he spoke on the phone with another one of his clients. In my father's line of work being peer recovery from substance abuse and those coming out of prison, there are bound to be kind and giving people in their community. Though I feel all too often our minds are fogged by the mentality of a rigid life and work ethic that we forget that these types of people still exist. My father had left us with more than a handful of numbers to people that could transport us, offer us support, or even go get us food if we needed it. In the days following my dad's recovery three different people he had known both from his church/recovery community along with his work circle brought us a plethora of different grocery bags filled to the brim with foods for our family. Even once my father returned home to work from home in the weeks following, taking on more days than he had previously to work from the comfort of our home to make up for the time missed. On the weekend after my father's return home, he was given one more act of kindness, his coworkers had convinced his boss to let them pile together their vacation time in order to help cover my father's recovery time so he wouldn't have to work through the days he still had medical gadgets hanging from him like monkeys on a tree. While these stories are heartwarming, I'm using them to bring light to the lack of relationships that we hold with things outside of humans. All too frequently humans think of themselves as the end all be all of creation, religiously based or not is completely unfounded. In a Ted Talk that we watched it spoke about the way in which certain types of trees communicate and even divide up their resources to give them forth to the other plants within the same root system as them. The way that they thrive through these small acts of kindness the way humans do, how is it really that different? Why don't we attempt to further understand them and bridge the gap between the two of us since isn't the air that we need come directly from them and other plant life only for us to go chopping them down without a thought? It feels cruel realizing that the relationship that we could have with the forest and plant life around is just out of our reach. When we care for plants that we nutured as seeds or bought from Lowe's, we watch them grow and thrive inside our homes. So how is that any different from what is asked of us by the world outside of our homes? Why can't we simply allow ourselves to provide for the things that provide for us. We have never had a mutual relationship with the world around us, especially the forests. We have always taken from them with little to no sympathy. Though after finding these things that they do for those of their own kind as well as us brings forth the desire and importance even more to provide for them and aid them in thriving the way they have attempted time and time again for us.
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I think there is something to be said about the way the importance that should be lended to climate change and but as well to the mental health of those affected by it--so basically everyone. Though none the less, from my personal experience regarding the very real anxiety that I feel in regard to the changes happening all around us. I have dealt on and off throughout my entire life with intensive anxiety, but particularly when it comes to the regards of climate change. It has been something that resided within my mind for a lot of my adult life and many others. I don't want to say that there is a particular way in which understanding this ongoing crisis and the very real solutions that can be an ease on the way that I feel, but there's a line in which it becomes paralyzing. I want to ask if that is better than the use of joking about very real issues happening all around us and what the consequences of them are. In early 2020 when we were just beginning to experience the pandemic that would morph our way of living forever, is when the anxiety struck me a lot more harshly than it had before. I would chalk it honestly up to the fact alone that we all had a lot more time on our hands to reflect not only ourselves but the world around us. It was something that terrified me and on top of it all, it felt as though those within my generation didn't take it seriously--or at least didn't handle it with the care that I thought was important to something else that would change our world so drastically.
I do understand the sense of joking about things that we can't control that is frequent within my own age group, I am even guilty of doing it myself at times. Though it felt in the midst of another crisis and everything falling apart on a scale that no one really knew had to understand during the pandemic, that a trend rose up on apps like Tiktok. This was at least in my experience, that people would frequently post satirically content in which they offhandedly mention that ice caps are melting, the seas are rising, and that their future may not be existent at all. I absolutely understand that growing up in a particular generation where things seem to be so modernized but still, we are struggling with things so far out of control--and one in which those that are older than us have seemingly created without a care. It all equals a terrifying amount of lack of taste with these jokes. In my opinion there are both deserve to be demonized from a standpoint of coming off dismissive of something we are already in the midst of, but admirable in some degree because I know that they come from a place of feeling powerless. None the less, they caused a certain struggle and anxiety in my own mental health during that time. One that sometimes I still struggle with when sitting within courses where that is the primary discussion, such as this one. Though I do believe it is good for it to be part of the curriculum, a crucial reminder of the hand that we are dealt and how to slowly aid nature to the best of our ability. I also think that its aides me in particular, since I still do feel a sense of helplessness even now. I believe as I grow older that there is less of a need for that and a desire to help what I am able for the world around us. I have always had an afinity towards nature and the silence that it allows me from the constant noise of life. It has a beauty that is near to me as it reminds me of lighter times with my family members, so I believe even beyond my own personal attachments that it deserves to be adequately reflected upon. That despite a certain lack of weight that my generation has caused this it does fall to us to restore what we are able, and I plan to do all that I am able to restore and help ease the burden we have put upon our planet and nature. As we made our way over paths of gravel, wood, and dirt as we took in the quiet tranquility of nature around us. It is worth examining what we think of when it comes to the idea of wilderness. With growing up in such an urban and industrialized area, any touch of forest that we came across has probably been manicured to appear as such. It brings to mind much the way that humans have domesticated pets (dogs and cats specifically) to a point in which if they were released back into the wild that their mere existence would be invasive to the local ecosystem. That we as humans always and continue to think of ourselves as the center of existence, that everything exists to serve a purpose to us. This mentality is what leads to what we now know as forest or 'wilderness', as it is only brings to mind images of forestry that we can hike through or that borders parks around our neighborhoods. Is this true wildness or forest? As you think more deeply on the topic, you will find that the idea of wilderness to the more industrial areas of the United States is normally manufactured, manicured, or preserved in order for us to witness it. The idea of the wilderness that we examine in our local area is completely different from the generations before us and could evolve to be described differently by those after us. With this idea of humans being the main center point of existence begins to showcase in the way in which we only preserve things for our *own* benefactor. This can be heavily tied to the idea of the individualistic mindset that American's frequently take to the extreme but can also be applied all too often when we are talking about conservation. It feels as though one of the arguments that can be made by those when speaking is that future generations will not get to witness this wilderness or the species that are quickly going extinct. While it is a valid reason, it also showcases this selfish mentality of thinking that it isn't worth fixing until it affects us. What about the species that are dying out and the effects on their ecosystem that bring to the forefront? It's an interesting topic to dwell on and try to come up with potential ways in which we can begin to de-centralize ourselves when it comes to the idea of talking about conservation. It's also worth talking about is the idea brought up in discussion about the selfish mentality of preservation being a resource. While I understand the necessity of monetary gain in some respects when it comes to paying workers and benefiting the forest areas that they are working with. It also brings to mind the mentality that something can't exist within the realm of monetary gain so that it will provide resources for us. Why can't preserved lands simply exist and those that necessitate the upkeep of it be volunteers--or paid through a federal agency because of their integral part within the conservation movement? Obviously, I don't have all the information regarding the antics of how these parks and hiking spots work. Although I think it's important to look into and understand how they are being paid and what the money that is put into them is going to--particularly the money that is coming from those who come to enjoy these places. Since the prices of these types of location can also cause accessibility issues for some from a standpoint of people's abilities to go to them. If they are priced highly, it goes to almost push those who are in lower class standing to be unable to enjoy nature in this manner. This it creates an idea that this manicured version of wilderness exists as a luxury. This is important to showcase as well to open up the discussion to not only preserved parks as a whole and how they are being handled, but as well towards the idea of modern 'wilderness'. |
AuthorA place to view my thoughts and stream of consiousness during the walks through the woods. As well as discoveries and memories that tie into the overarching class ideas. Archives
November 2022
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